I have decided to come back to Tumblr after a few months absence, but I will moving to a new blog. I won’t be deleting this blog or my main blog (I want to be able to look back over these blogs) but I most probably will only be posting/replying to things/people on my new blog. I need a fresh start.
My new URL is http://comburomorbus.tumblr.com/
I was going to watch one episode of 24 and then try and sleep. Now, 6 episodes later and it’s almost 5am.
My insomnia has been quite bad recently and I’ve run out of sleeping pills for this month, so I probably wouldn’t have been asleep now anyway. At least I got to enjoy these few hours rather than rolling around in bed, in the dark, over thinking every aspect of my life.
Just found a huge, wet hairball in a pile of clothes. Yum.
Thanks kittencats.
Went to the shop a few minutes ago and I was wondering why there were rows of policemen standing around (at first I thought the dodgy mob boss cafe on the corner had been raided as they were standing outside it and it was closed), turns out the Olympic torch is being carried about two minutes away from my door.
How am I going to survive in Brixton Academy in this heat?
I feel so fucking depressed and I should be doing the washing up but I just don’t have it in me, so I think I’m just going to stay on the couch and watch Breaking Bad.
I really enjoy being drunk and rapping along to Childish Gambino.
Sometimes I wish there was some way I could just hide away from everybody, not having to answer stupid phone calls, or open letters, or reply to those letters, not having to reply to texts, not having to see doctors or social workers, not having to leave the house for groceries or cigarettes. Just complete and utter isolation. It would be so beautiful. I really hate having so many responsibilities. It would also be awesome if I could somehow transfer all my worries and problems to someone else for a little bit. It’s just all getting a bit much. I need to stop typing now before this becomes a long late night ramble.
It was my birthday yesterday and I actually had a really nice time! Usually I don’t really enjoy my birthdays, but this one was really fun. Alina had planned us to reenact an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, where Dennis and Mac manhunt Cricket around town, so we were going to manhunt Rick Dagless M.D. around Hampstead Heath, but the weather was horrendous, so instead we got really, really drunk and ended up playing laser tag with these two girls that were like 11 and 13, we tried to get them to help us manhunt Dagless, but I think they were slightly terrified of us, so me and Alina just manhunted Dagless ourselves and it was hilarious. Everyone should go drunk laser tagging. Then we played loads of arcade games and I got to play Dance Dance Revolution, which I hadn’t played in waaay too long. We also found a really cool Irish pub with a confessional box and a tree growing through it. All in all it was really awesome.
I also have a really extravagant new television. You can watch everything in 3D (I can even watch all the shows on my hard drive in 3D which is beyond awesome!) and I can surf the internet, download apps, watch youtube videos, do yoga with it and it has a fitness section where you can monitor your weight loss and there are loads of videos that help tone specific parts of your body! It is literally amazing/ridiculous.
So, now I’m going to get high and watch Fringe in 3D. It’s going to be amazing.
Alina and I are going to see Manson tonight and we were discussing how we’re just going to stand by the bar and watch from there. It was then I realised that we were becoming like the older goths you always see at gigs, at the back, holding a pint and when you’re young you think they’re wasting an opportunity, but now I see they are just very wise.
I just got a bit of good news, which has made today a little less rubbish! I’ve been accepted at Roehampton Uni to study Psychology! I’m still waiting on my top two choices, Middlesex/Birkbeck, but it’s still super exciting!
Today is just getting worse and worse. Turns out I may have to pay a huge amount of money (we’re talking one or two thousand here) asap and I also had to pay my phone bill today and buy kitten food/litter/etc and house essentials and I can’t stop worrying about money.
Sometimes living alone and having to pay for everything sucks.
Oh and because I waited so long to pay my bill my phone was cut off, so I can’t get into contact with people I need to get into contact with. (Alina if you see this, please call me!)
Sometimes I really hate having to be an adult and having responsibility because it usually involves me having to open really scary letters a whole lot and I do not want. It’s making me very stressed and it would be nice to not have to be constantly stressed about something.
It was my last day of college today and we all went drinking in the student bar and I got really drunk and suddenly Alina and Rick Daglass M.D appeared in the student bar and I got a little more drunk and then somehow we got home, although all I kind of remember is being sick and Alina suggesting food and now we’re home and watching Green Wing and I’m still drunk and half naked because I split water all over my t-shirt. I also rang my boyfriend, but luckily he didn’t answer. We are not the sort of couple that has phone conversations (which is brilliant), in fact I don’t think we’ve once spoken via phone, which is brie-liant.
It’s only 4.20am, why is it so light outside? It’s practically daylight! This is ridiculous.
Really wanna fuck one of my female followers/friend. Awkward.
Just got back from college and I’m pretty drunk. My exam went terribly but we all went to the student bar to get drunk and I ended up drinking three bottles of wine and getting chatted up by a Swedish/Italian man who thought I was amazing for some reason. Now I just want some sex and sleep but neither of those are going to happen right meow so I’m going to watch Law and Order and get high.
I apologise for my atrocious spelling.
Had my CPA today, which actually went really well. I have a new psychologist that I actually like and listens to me, I’ve been put on the waiting list for schema therapy and I have some new anxiety/sleep meds (which I am SO glad about). The only negative was that they want to refer me to an eating disorder clinic as an outpatient, which I am really not game for. But all in all, it was probably one of the best CPA’s I’ve had. Now to spend the rest of today revising.
I have been so busy recently and time is just going by so fast. I have no idea where the past 6 months have gone. Also, my birthday is coming up fast and I am not looking forward to that.
In other news, I had a very lovely weekend with my male companion and now I should be revising for my exam, but I just want to have a Fringe marathon.
Goddamn. I think my mother is the only person that can make me this angry. I am literally fuming, she’s so insane. Luckily our conversation was over the phone, other wise it would have taken a lot of self restraint not to strangle her.
So now I have a lot of angry energy and I’m going to go on a really long walk to clear my head. Probably down the back streets so that no one will see the joke that is my hair.
Alina and I have had the most ridiculous few days. My flat is a mess, my hair is an obscene shade of pinky/orange that just won’t budge, we’ve barely changed our clothes in days, we both started our periods, so have been taking codeine and getting high to ease the pain which has resulted in us both being a little delusional, we’ve essentially spent the majority of our time looking like crack addicts and I don’t think I’ve ever watched so many random documentaries. We’re living in a female nightmare.
We’re going to try and get ourselves out of this by cleaning up and having a bath. I’m also going to try again to get the ginger/pink out of my hair.
So, I bleached the top half of my hair and it’s gone like a pale red/pink colour. I look like Kurt Cobain in the 90’s. Not a good look on me.
Bleaching most of my hair tonight in preparation for when my silver dye comes tomorrow. I’m pretty excited, I am in so much need of a change.
Waiting for some council men to come over and do a gas check, unfortunately they never give a specific time, it’s always either between 8-12 or 1-5 and today it’s between 1-5. It always makes me really nervous though, because I worry about going for a wee or having a quick shower or something and I KNOW that’s when they will decide to arrive and my door bell is fucking terrifyingly shrill and knowing it could ring at any moment also makes me nervous. Then, when they actually do arrive, I never know what to say or how to act, so I just stand there trying to be as polite as possible and my voice gets really high and posher than it actually is and it’s just an all round awkward situation.
Meant to be meeting Sean soon but it’s one of those days where I feel disgusting/obese in everything. My face is looking pretty bad too and I really do not want to leave the house. I would much rather spend the day wrapped in my duvet with kittens and Law and Order.
<3 my mum was telling me how lovely she thinks you look the other day! She had seen you on my facebook and some thing on tv reminded her about it and she felt the need to blurt it out at me during dinner haha
Awwwhaha! Mumma Tott! Tell her I say thank you! <3
Meant to be meeting Sean soon but it’s one of those days where I feel disgusting/obese in everything. My face is looking pretty bad too and I really do not want to leave the house. I would much rather spend the day wrapped in my duvet with kittens and Law and Order.
I may dye the underneath of my hair dark green tomorrow. I need a change quick smart.
I’ve been relatively productive today, so now I’m going to watch Law and Order in the bath and hope the kittens don’t decide to join me.
Today I learnt that Marks & Spencer sell actual (plastic) glasses of wine with foil lids that you peel back and that I have gone down a cup size since I lost weight.
The former is excellent news, the latter not so much.
I am so excited to go to sleep. SO EXCITED. I feel so sleepy and like maybe I could fall asleep and stay asleep! I’ve only slept a few hours over the past few days and it has made me so grumpy/manic and I just can’t wait to have a good nights sleep and wake up tomorrow not feeling like death. I AM JUST SO EXCITED.
I need to stop fussing and re-reading my essay so many goddamn times (it’s due in tomorrow) and just go to bed. I’ve been getting barely any sleep and I have to be up early tomorrow and all I really want to do is collapse into bed and sleep for two days. Or just sit in bed watching Law & Order and not concentrating on anything but plot and character development.
Finished my essay, just need to tidy it up, send it to Alina (she proof reads and corrects any grammar mistakes I’ve missed out), add references, re-read and BOOM, done! I will be so happy when this essay and my next exam are over.
